if i croaked & you're reading this, that means you've also read my will (or you've found this page out of curiosity). but everything here is probably more updated (check the "best by" section)

money

i have no use for it anymore. it all goes to my brother's kids, current and future, no matter what. sorry, [insert lover's name here]. i wasn't around but i've got some pocket change for you. there's a percentage on the will that says how much to donate to the ACLU (or choose one from the list provided) first.

music, art, other creative stuffs

if there's stuff already out in the world, you'll be getting pennies for royalties. if there's stuff you find in my home, let me be clear: destroy that shit. it wasn't released/public for a reason, don't do me like that.

if you have the misfortune of finding anything i've physically written, feel free to read it (or better yet: don't) but find angie (see marge (and other pets) section for where to find her) and give it to her, especially the worst stuff. she'll understand.

property

give the nieces/nephews free range to the music stuffs, audio/video equipment, gaming devices, furniture, car, bikes, etc. (keeping in mind the previous section). i don't have a house or property but fun stuff -- i got that.

my computer is encrypted so unless one of you shits became a hacker while i wasn't looking, it's just an oversized paperweight. toss it into a volcano or give it to marge (see below) -- she likes to sleep on it.

marge (and other pets)

marge won't care i'm gone but she needs to be taken care of. find the section "myspace top 8" on my will and offer marge to them in that order and if no one wants her, i will reconfigured my atoms to throat stomp all of these "friends" into submission. marge (and other pets) are treasures.

digital things

please fucking delete all of this shit. most websites/services have some sort of system in place for family members who die.

donate all the things (including my innards)

i'm a organ donor already, but if somehow you're given the authority to decide: donate my guts. tell them sorry for all the drugs but my eyes should be good.

there will be no funeral

if you absolutely must do some dumb symbolic shit, cremate my bones and flush them at the local shipley donuts. if pressed for time, waffle house will do.

none of this matters 'cause i'm literally dead lol

do what makes you happy (except delete/destroy all my music/art -- non-negotiable)

best by:

august 5th 2025 [if my will is somehow dated after this, well, use that i guess.]

k, bye